Yesterday afternoon I explored the city of Mansilla. Beautiful old Roman built walls and streets and I found the most amazing bakery and ate a pastry filled with pumpkin marmalade while sipping on a herbal tea.
(Wyarning: skip to paragraph 9 if you want to avoid a 'Jess Moment')
Here in Mansilla I contemplated this journey so far for me. I almost feel embarrassed and regretful of how closed up I was in my approach to this whole Camino. I know that it was partly because of the fact I hadn't wound down from things at work and I know I could have done more preparation. I guess I didn't want to 'prepare' too much and let the 'way' just lead me, but quickly found out the 'way' doesn't work in the French train system. The more I talk to pilgrims, I am realising that I was not alone in feeling like I had taken on too much at the beginning of this. Day 2 - just take me home! I tried to think of ways I could leave early and came to the conclusion that I would walk short days and just bus the rest to Santiago when it came time to fly out. What a defeatist I was!?
I look back and think of the things that made me feel this low - the weather (raining on day 2), I was walking fast and pilgrims were still overtaking me, my body was aching, my mind was becoming my worst enemy by running over all the excuses why I wasn't feeling good, I had no one to laugh with or moan to and I had no idea what I was going to be faced with as far as accommodation and food went at the end of each day.
Throughout today's journey into Leon, along side a busy highway, I thought about the lessons I had learnt and the changes that had become apparent from day 2 to now, 19 days on.
Impermanence surrounds us. As quickly as we become used to the common, the usual and the predictable (oh how I have missed all of my beautifully worked out routines at home), we can choose to become used to change and not just used to it, but smile at it when it occurs - emphasis on the word 'choose' here! I find way too much comfort within my routines - even if they aren't comfortable! Here in Spain, everyday the scenery, terrain, people I meet, the weather, the state of my feet and body, it all has been different! This can all be met with a typical British groan (they complain about everything!) or simple acceptance. For example, the weather. There have been days when I have woken up, looked outside and sighed out loud upon seeing the dark clouds. However, the other day, I met an excited pilgrim walking in the rain... she loves the rain because she can not walk in the sun due to a rash that becomes aggravated.
I guess to sum it up in a word, this is what they called equanimity - a word used in the teachings of 'vipassana' mediation regularly. The word 'equanimity' is defined as: the quality of being calm and even-tempered; composure. Even-tempered? So what, when your having a crap of a day you are of a comparable mindset to that if you had just conquered a huge goal? As a human, we have emotions that waiver here and there - I could even go as far as saying that it is a woman's prerogative to be slightly emotionally unpredictable (keeps life interesting!). But imagine your life without craving or avoidance? Imagine yourself just accepting it as just being so. And if it hurts, the pain is temporary - change is inevitable, move on. And if it feels good, the pleasure is temporary - change is inevitable, move on.
In this world of impermanence, I default to setting expectations, and am surprised when it doesn't go my way! Disappointment is a curse. I detest the feeling and try to avoid it by lowering my expectations (not a great way to live as even with lowered expectations, especially when they still can't be lived up to) - however, being equanimous changes all of that and adds an element of peace. Each placement of my feet is on unknown territory. And this is now ok. The strangers I meet are beautiful in their own way (despite some annoying qualities!) and this is ok. The weather has been icy cold and sweltering hot and that's ok. Whatever will be one day, will be different the next day. The acceptance of this mindset has been extremely liberating. However, I write this after a beautiful day of relaxation and hindsight is a wonderful thing. Words are words. This pilgrimage is a great opportunity to practice!
But on a side note, every night I order the same thing for dinner. Entrée: spaghetti or mixed salad, Main: chicken and chips. And you know, I look forward to this, because I know it, it's familiar (although the amount of chicken on the bone has differed) - its my new daily routine. I am going to change this! Tonight I experienced tapas and vino in a quiet bar! It was wonderful!
I met up with Richard (my German Camino angel who gave me his walking stick). We had a discussion about Catholicism and the clash with Protestants and why this was so. He told me how he left his post as a Catholic priest when he fell in love with his wife. We walking together into Leon and parted when a washroom stop was necessary. He lent in really close, I stood there awkwardly, then he gently kissed me once on either cheek... I forget this beautiful farewell and greeting is used here in Europe!
I walked through the Cathedral with an audio guide...just mind blowing! The stained glass, the thought that goes into the design, using the sun, not just for light, but to tell a story, is just incredible! I later attended the mass in a small adjoining church as two weddings occurred consecutively at the main alter. Even the marriage of two regular citizens looks royal in this ancient gothic harmony of grey stone, colored light, and such expressive statues. My favorite is a statue of the virgin Mary, pregnant, her hand is delicately resting on her rounded stomach. I have not seen her depicted like this before.
I did some shop wondering and even tried on a dress! - no intention to buy, just killing time!
Tomorrow is a rest day - an actual rest day! No walking at all! My leg is looking forward to it!
Hasta luego amigos...
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